Endless Imposter Syndrome

Exactly how long does Imposter Syndrome last? Apparently well into retirement. But that’s OK. For members of the fraternity, it’s the secret sauce.

I spent most of my 25-year career in healthcare communications assuming I was on the verge of being fired (I wasn’t smiling. I was grimacing). Maybe they’ll keep me on board if I work hard and answer emails at night, I thought. I still ring my hands today and worry “good enough isn’t good enough.” I have a favorite saying: just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me.

Then came yesterday. During our weekly ritual watching CBS News Sunday Morning (the best Zen news program out there) we saw a terrific interview featuring Hollywood star and adopted Bloomington, Indiana, resident Jesse Eisenberg, who starts in A Real Pain (and proudly wears his Indiana University baseball hat in the movie following an extended stay there with his wife during the pandemic). During the interview, it became clear Eisenberg is uncomfortable with praise. He squirms in his seat just hearing it. He admits that he’s “not wired” to enjoy compliments.

It was a big moment for me. I’m just like Jesse Eisenberg (except for his looks, his age, his acting ability, and his bank account)! In honor of Jesse, I’m holding onto my Imposter Syndrome proudly. If it’s good enough for him, it works for me. It’s a security blanket and, honestly, I owe my success to it. You work harder, write faster, double-check more details, and find more ways to ensure they keep you even when you feel you’re on the cusp of being pushed aside.

And for all you other Imposter Syndrome sufferers out there, try to get some sleep tonight. You’ve earned it. And you probably need it.